The demons are back, only this time I dont want to defend my self anymore...

The grief of never finding her forever has begun to take its toll...

The demons have come back to haunt me again... Only this time I don't want to fight back...

They have come back again with fake promises of Happiness and Deadly Pleasures to help me forget her...

Deep inside I know, nothing I do, can make me forget her. I know that even as i will be doing everything to forget her, I will always be aware that I am doing it to forget her, making it impossible for me to forget her.

But I want them to succeed, cause I want her to hate me even more... As I am wasted beyond recovery anyway... Even death can't cleanse my Body or my Mind but it can definitely free my Spirit.

Valentines Day's Song Dedication To My Soulmate - I Wanna Grow Old With You!!!

I Wanna Grow Old With You... - Westlife

Another day
Without your smile
Another day, just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing in everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

A thousand miles, between us now
It causes me, to wonder how
Our love tonight, remains so strong
It makes our risk, right all along

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Things can come and go I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you ....

Giving up on my Soulmate...

My Life has a deep dark secret... one that had made me look down upon my self...

One that never let me rest in peace.... One that made me feel I was never good enough for my Soulmate....

Cause I always wanted to be someone WHO WAS NOTHING SHORT OF A PERFECT HUMAN...

This complex drove me crazy then (and is still driving me crazy now)... Torn between my real self and the dark secret that was destined to destroy me... The dark secret that made me something I never ever could imagine I would ever be...

I WAS TOO YOUNG TO HANDLE AND UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAD GOTTEN INTO... I GAVE UP ON MYSELF AND THEN I FINALLY GAVE UP ON MY SOULMATE... SORRY MY LOVE BUT I COULDN'T FACE YOU ANYMORE... HOPE YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO FORGIVE ME...

My prayers dedicated to my Soulmate...

As a young helpless child, there was only one prayer that I always said for my Soulmate... "If I was to ever fall in love with someone in my life, then to only let me fall in love with my Soulmate or else may I never fall in love, till my death..., and that if i was to marry, let me marry only my Soulmate and no one else..."

I finally found a song thats pretty close to what I felt:

Soulmate in my life??

It was my first wild rush of feelings of love for a girl at a very young age, that made me realize that, there was this one special someone who was created and was born only for me... somewhere on this planet....
(Though I knew that, this girl that I first had a crush on, was not my Special Someone...)


I knew very well, without anyone having to tell me, what my special someone was exactly like and what would be the signs to identify her... and how meeting her would seem like we always knew each other... it was all crystal clear...  She was my SOULMATE...

But considering my age I knew, no one would believe a word I said or understand anything that i felt, So i never shared it with anyone not even my mother who I know I could say anything to...


It was then i started to pray for her, every time i missed her like crazy, to the extent that i would cry...


Even though I was very young I knew values of Honesty, Loyalty, Trust, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, Unwavering Love THAT I FELT ONLY FOR HER...

I LOVE YOU MY SOULMATE....